Posted on 14/11/2013 by julien
Soon before the arrival of the Summer scientists ending Concordia's nine-month isolation, Antonio Litterio gives an impression of what he feels:
This time I chose the song Roberto Cacciapaglia's Ecstasy and Abyss to guide you through the breaks in my writing.
Today I started to fix the chest that is in my room. This feels like a rite that preludes the end of my experience. While I was working I lay down and started to think.
More than eleven months have passed since I had my first impression of Antarctic soil and since then I have lived nine months of complete isolation. I saw many seasons pass but for the first time in my life they were not marked by the changing colours of nature like leaves of a shimmering green painted by an important painter.
The seasons passed by in monotony punctuated by changing light, the cold and changes in my spirit and body.
I went through the sunset season, a prelude to the more challenging season of darkness with a thousand and one dark and fascinating nights without light. They marked me deeply. The season of dawns followed, a new renaissance, feeling alive and realising the importance of light.
And now, here I am back full-circle in the season of eternal light, but it is different from what I went through a year ago. Now I am tired , I cannot and I will not hide my fatigue, it is a frustrating physiological fatigue that makes me want to break the world but instead I have no energy.
I want to walk for miles and miles in the shadows of trees and breath crisp air full of odours. I want to hear waves crashing on rocks as thunder on a black day and feel the rain wet my body.
Living in a sanitised world is not easy: monotony is a great opponent but being aware that we are not immersed in a world of stimuli makes it easier.
Looking at my room I think about how many moods have lived here, how many thoughts and sighs were heard by the walls that harboured previous hivernauts? Like the veins in the wood on these walls, my personality is marked and characterised by the experience. Sleepless nights and days looking for answers and strength. This room has heard me mutter the words “I wish, I wish, and I miss…” so many times.
I miss feeling sea water on my face, the taste of juicy fruits, hearing voices , lying down under a tree and staying there staring at the leaves as the wind blows and the Sun shines and fills my eyes with bright light.
I am tired, I want to sleep now in a green meadow and feel cradled , rocked by a mild spring breeze, cradled in the arms of a woman who can make me fall asleep and when I awake I want to feel as if all this was a dream and feel full of energy again, ready to live a new season.